Just Life
by Little-Miss-Vamprechaun
Summary: A collection of drabbles, just a bundle of fun. When you get down to it, everyone has a normal, everyday life. For the case of Artemis, Holly and co., they don't know where to find theirs.
1. Saint Or Sinner

**Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl. If I did, I'd be able to pay for a better disclaimer. **

**Just little snippets of fun to help me get over writers block :D Enjoy!**

Artemis Fowl is not one to get drunk.

In fact, Artemis thinks alcohol is a vulgar substance. Anything that can turn even the most respectable men into blabbering idiots is not something he wishes to associate with.

So, when St. Patrick's Day finally came, while all his fellow natives where getting completely plastered, Artemis sat sipping water. Nobody or nothing could force him into having the smallest sip of Guinness.

Well. _Almost_ nobody. You see, one person, by the name of Holly Short, slipped vodka into his water while he wasn't looking.

Artemis Fowl woke that morning with a banging headache, no shoes and no memory of what had happened the previous night.

"Butler?" he groaned.

Butler was there in an instant. "Yes, sir?"

"What happened?"

"You, err, got drunk, Artemis."

Artemis groaned, his fears confirmed.

"Butler, tell me. While intoxicated, what… _things_ did I get up too?"

"Oh, I don't need to tell you," said Butler, unable to hide a small smile. "Foaly taped it all. I'm sure he'll let you watch it, as soon as Holly, Mulch, Commander Root, Trouble Kelp, Grub Kelp, Chix Verbil, Ark Sool, Commander Vinyaya and the LEP TV Network have finished with it."

**200 words. Count 'em if you doubt me :P**

**OK, so I probably could have got it down to 100 if I tried really, really, really hard… but I didn't. Anyway, I like it like this.  
**

**If you find time in your busy lives to click that 'Review' button and tell me what you think, then I'd really appriciate it. :D**

**Little-Miss-Vamprechaun**


	2. Chix's Chicks

"Hey Holly?"

"Hmm?" 

"May I say you look gorgeously stunning today?"

"No."

"Oh. Well, perhaps if you came over to mine later on –"

"Forget it, Chix."

"Come, on, Holly, it'll be fun!"

"Get lost. I'm trying to work."

"Holly, you're breaking my heart here!"

"Good. Let me break a leg next."

Even a dim witted flyboy like Chix Verbil knew this conversation wasn't going anywhere pleasant, so he gave a cool smile at the pretty Captain (which Holly ignored) slipped his number on the desk (which Holly flicked smoothly into the bin) and walked past her casually, giving her a little squeeze on the bum as he passed (which was when Holly turned around, punched him and sent him shooting into a nearby wall.) 

When Chix had regained consciousness and picked himself up, he moved onto the next office.

"Hey Lili? May I say you look gorgeously stunning today?"

**A.N. 150 words. dances Hope you enjoyed.**

**Little-Miss-Vamprechaun**


	3. Hairy Potter

**(Just a small Harry Potter one thrown in for a laugh.)**

**Harry Potter grows up. Puberty? Guess again.**

There's a time when every boy wakes up to find they're not a child anymore. Today was Harry Potter's turn.

Half-asleep, he reached up to find something prickly on his face.

Confused and tired, Harry fumbled around for a mirror. He opened his eyes, gazed into his pale reflection and saw –

_SMASH._

The mirror slipped between his fingers, frozen in shock.

Something terrible had happened. Something unspeakable.

He knew he should never have taken the Elvis Presley potion. These sideburns would take _forever_ to get off.

"Harry?" said Ron, groggily. "You look, err… dashing…"

"Thank you very much," mumbled Harry.

**A.N. Someone out there will get it :P**

**100 words. Like it or hate it so far, I'd love to hear from you. Click the shiny review button. Go on, I dare you. :P**

**Little-Miss-Vamprechaun **


	4. A Fowl Threat

**I apologise ****for the cheesy chapter titles. I swear they're getting worse.**

Being a professional bodyguard, Butler was constantly alert and ready for action. So, one afternoon, when his charge Artemis ran in the room screaming as he was watching _Baywatch, _he took hold of the situation immediately.

"What's wrong? Is someone trying to hurt you?" asked Butler worriedly.

Artemis was in total shock. "At the d-door …"

"Is there a psychopathic mass murderer at the door?"

Artemis shook his head.

"Or perhaps a schizophrenic scientist who's wandered in with a bomb?"

Another shake. "A girl g-guide…"

Butler raised an eyebrow. "A girl guide?"

"She was t-t-trying to sell me lollipops …"

**100 words. Dedicated to those cookie, lollipop and sweet selling girl guides who find time in their busy schedules to constantly annoy my Nan. :P**

**Huge thanks to those who have reviewed so far!**

**L-M-V**


	5. Devil Child?

**To cut a long story short: My laptop basically died (I think it was suicide) so I haven't updated for a while. However, while I was in mourning for my dear laptop I wrote – not one, but TWO – new drabbles. Be proud of me, people. The other drabble is coming along soon.**

**This is a sequel my first drabble, "Saint Or Sinner".  
**

**Enjoy :D**

It had been two weeks since the 'embarrassing and unfortunate incident', as Artemis called it. What everyone else called it was 'that time when Holly Short got the great Artemis Fowl stone drunk.'

Whichever way you say it, it had been a week since Artemis lost his dignity, and Artemis was still feeling the effects.

"Butler," he groaned. "My head … it's incredibly painful."

Butler disguised a roll of his eyes. Artemis was just being soft. After all, no matter how young you are, a hangover does not last two weeks. "I'm sure it'll go away soon, Artemis."

"It's been like this all fortnight. Ever since the … embarrassing and unfortunate incident," said Artemis quickly. "Right at the back of my cranium. Could you take a look?"

Butler tore his eyes away from Baywatch and walked over to his charges head, parted the hair at the back and saw –

"Oh," breathed Butler.

"Oh?" said Artemis, a hint of worry creeping into his voice. "What do you mean, 'oh'?"

"It, err, seems you have a tattoo," said Butler.

Artemis was horrified. A _tattoo_? On the back of his head? How in the right mind -?

"Must have been when Holly got you drunk on St. Paddy's Day," said Butler, fighting back laughter. "She, err, must have took you to a tattoo parlour…"

Artemis groaned again. "Butler … what does the tattoo say?" he whispered, dreading the answer.

Butler cleared his throat, a small smile appearing again.

"3 3 3. Half Evil."

**A.N. The devil child is famous for having a 6-6-6 birthmark on the back of his head. Just thought I'd explain that incase anyone read this and thought "…what the hell?"**

**250 words. I should have got it down to 200, but I like it like this. To hell with you, Word Count. **

**I write it. You read it. You kindly review it. It's the circle of life, people. :D**

**Thanks and golden cookies to reviewers so far!**

**L-M-V**


	6. A Tail About Foaly

**The cheesy chapter titles return. Someone shoot me before I do any more damage to society…**

I knew something was wrong as soon as I walked in.

They were grinning. All of them. Including Julius, which really is odd. A grinning Julius is as rare as Opal Koboi giving out truffles.

"What's up?" I asked suspiciously. "What do you all want?"

"Just a favour," said Holly, her hazel eyes sparkling with mischief.

It was then it clicked; the Christmas party was coming up. The reason why they were all so _happy_ stared at me in the face.

"No way!" I cried angrily. "There is _no way_ I'm volunteering for pin the tail on the centaur again!"

**My least favourite so far. But, hey, I managed to get it to 100 words. **

**To the reviewers : You rule at life. I heart you all. And, Happy Flamingo – I knew **_**someone**_** would get that Elvis joke… ;D**

**Like? Hate? Have a suggestion? Want to request something? Want to point out my mistakes? Go ahead. Review or send me a message. **

**L-M-V**


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